Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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