Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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