Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
