You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
