oh god the rape fog is back!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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