I love black thongs
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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