had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
