dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
