She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
