Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I have tasted many bathrooms
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
