It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize