ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
