The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
