He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
