tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
