god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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