You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
