It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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