He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
