I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
