I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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