so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
