Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
