the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
