She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
