dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
