i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
this is an emotional support booty call
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
