I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
