There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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