I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
honey bunches of taint.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
