My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
