I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
