the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
