elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Even my vagina gasped.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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