I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
not ubering you a puppy
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
