so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
