This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
