I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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