We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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