He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
its liver damage thursday
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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