my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
