I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
