we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
