i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
