I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
