I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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