You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Who died my cat blue again?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
