Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
