I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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