I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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