in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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