My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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