dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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