we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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