I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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