I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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