i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
