She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
false alarm. still invincible.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize