I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
