I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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