Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
