so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
