We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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