Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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